This blog is now officially deleted.
And why? While looking at my blog, I have found that it has degraded significantly... both in quality and quantity. Hence I think it should be destroyed, so that something better can take its place.
Is it cowardice to delete what you believed in? For these past few years, this blog has been my refuge, a place for me to post what was in my mind, be they immatured, rambling thoughts, or philosophical arguments.
To my readers, and especially to those who had followed it since the beginning... reading this blog must have exposed to you the temperament and mind of the person typing this. How they changed from depressive, dark blots... to colourful, superficial posts. It may seem that times have certainly picked up since those dark days in JC, in which I penned words that seemed grosteque, especially when you compared it to the girl I was back then.
Shattered dreams, shattered hopes.
And now... in what used to be my blog, there is now nothing but superficial ramblings about my art, and if you look closely... almost nothing now about K, and about school. Isn't it fascinating? In JC, my world revolved around school and books... and hence most of my writing centered around them. Perhaps this degradation into superficial nonsense reflects an unconscious baulking of the mind at what used to matter most in the past... for instead of being the shining beacon of success, "Study hard and you will do well in life." it has all turned out into absolute bullshit.
It is all bullshit, because what matters is you being able to say what other people want to hear. No one wants to hear how many As that you have, millions of other people have exactly the same qualifications as you. Instead, tell me that you KNOW what I want, tell me that you HAVE want I want, tell me that you LOVE me, tell me that you MISS me...
Smile at me, no... not to me, but to those that matter. Smile at them, be confident, be brisk, exude such charming perfection that everyone can hardly wait to fall in love with you.
A performance. If you want to do well in life, ditch the books. This is not to say knowledge isn't important. But make sure that the knowledge you DO know is relevant to what you want to be in the future... and above all, hone your acting skills. Because in this capitalist world, superficialities are what gets you that job or that promotion.
Am I being too harsh?
No, I don't think so. You are welcome to debate with me, but you see, my thinking goes this way. This is a world where time, literally, is money. Interviewers have only this amount of time to spend with you... which is insufficient to find out exactly the sort of person that you are. You might be a pedophile, or a rapist that was never caught- but if you are charming, confident, and have exactly the right "stuff", hey-congratulations, you are in. They go by intuition, feelings that they get by experience... and if you are able to prepare yourself in advance, there is no reason why you cannot advance.
To my readers, whoever you are- thank you for following me on my dusty trek through life. As I climbed peaks or fell into some deep abyss- the support I managed to get from you are what sustained me and kept me grounded. I could wish you all the best in life, but what is life but a collection of memories and dreams of the future? Where is the present, when all you do is aimed towards some unfanthomable goal in the future, or when all is done to erase some guilt in the past?
Merely stating that I wish you the best in life sounds vague... so what I do mean is, may you all be surrounded by happy memories that will not dictate your life's paradigm,and may you also be blessed with a goal that inspires, and one that will not drive you to despair.
Goodbye.
